Noir
by Sa'ash
Summary: Sometimes Life decides to remind you just how real it is...
1. Affliction

The air in the hallway had grown stale in the last few hours. Father and I had taken to sitting on the carpet with our backs to the wall so we could keep a constant vigil over the door that pervaded our thoughts. We had made conversation several times, although they were short and usually only about whether or not either of us thought Jaga could do anything. I didn't like thinking about the negatives, so I always responded that I thought Jaga was doing something, anything he could. I felt in my heart that he could help. Who would have ever guessed that a few bad candy fruit could make someone so sick? Needless to say I don't think you'll find any more of those flamboyant edibles in the palace any time soon.

We only had to sit for a few more minutes until we heard the tell-tale thumping on the floor behind the door, and as we stood, Jaga came out of the room, a layer of sweat covering his brow, the traces of exhaustion littered across the elder's seemingly impenetrable façade. My father was the first to speak up, asking the obvious questions, such as whether he'd be alright and if Jaga could do anything for him. Through his wrinkled visage, Jaga smiled slightly, and said Tygra would be fine, although he has come down with a disease that will pass, and will need time to recover.

"you don't know what's wrong with him?" I spoke before I had time to think, Jaga said he had come down with a disease, if he knew what was truly wrong he'd have named the condition and told us what we could do to speed Tygra's recovery.

"the list of conditions that can be caused by candy fruit is quite numerous, any attempt on my part to diagnose which has befallen our beloved Tiger would be futile. With my powers I can tell that the ailment is there, and whether or not it will pass. Beyond that, things become unclear."

"How long, how long will it take?"

"With proper rest, it should work its way out of his system in three days, in that time though, I would advise against sweet foods, they could upset his body."

Shooting each other a look, Father and I nodded to Jaga, and while Father led him to his office to talk, I stood facing the same door I had been staring at for the last hour or so. The two pairs of feet faded not minutes after they started, and putting my hand to the door, I did what I had wanted to do since Tygra had been closed inside.

There was a darkness that seeped into every corner of the room, shrouding all save for the glow that illuminated the bed across the room, and the single occupant it cradled. My feet crept along the floor silently as I edged closer and closer. As I came upon the bed, stepping inside the light of the candle, I found myself lowering my body down onto the sheets so I could better look at my brother. The cerise veil that covered his face made me uneasy, and the pain that visibly broke the features of his face made my muscles tense. The heat from his body radiated from his fur in waves, his body shaking as it struggled against its invader. I felt pity, in places I never thought I'd ever feel pity. It started in my head, and misted down through my neck, and pooled in my heart. Where I expected it to stop there, instead it flowed down my arms, danced across my chest and rushed down my torso, through my legs, and then bounced back up to gather in my heart once more.

Jaga said that he would be well in three days. Three days I would have to go without his cocky attitude, his arrogant jaunts. I would miss them. With Father preoccupied by the weight of his crown, Jaga with training new Clerics, and no friends inside the walls of the palace, Tygra was all I had to talk to. Sure, he was busy most of the time with his own endeavors, his own training, but he was still there. It's going to get lonely. I will have to find something to occupy myself until he's back on his feet, breathing down my neck again. I laughed in my throat at my own statement, knowing that was a literal observation of how he acted when I was around him. Always feeling the need to keep an eye on me lest I get myself into trouble.

I wouldn't stay much longer. I had just wanted to see him myself, satisfying my grim curiosity that he was still among us. Before I allowed myself to depart, I found my hand drawn to lay over his for an instant, as if letting him know that I was here. When my lessons are done tomorrow, I might come and sit with him, if to give him someone to vent his frustrations at being kept in bed to. He would hate it, I'm sure he would, his need to do something all the time would drive him mad knowing he couldn't leave this room. I smiled as thoughts of him and Father yelling at each other over the issue came into my head and grew. He would be back to himself in no time, I was sure of it.

I finally felt ready to go, and drew my hand back as I got to my feet and made for the door. His room smelled nice, I just noticed. He must have incense somewhere in here, it reminds me of the harvest festival, the earthy scents my favorite kinds. My hand found the knob in the darkness, and I drew the door open so it cracked slightly, letting the light from the hall spill inside as I turned my head back to give Tygra one last look before I left.

What I saw startled me. Tygra was on his feet directly behind me, a thin glaze over his eyes and a frown on his face. He brought up an arm and pushed the door closed again, leaning against it and forcing me to back against the wood as he drew closer to me, so that his face was mere inches from my own.

"You aren't going to leave me are you?" he spoke as if he was tired, but also disappointed. I managed to tell him that I was going so he could get some rest, but he shook his head at me.

"Don't leave yet Liono." He started to nod off, his eyes half-closed as he started to struggle just to remain standing. Instinctively, I brought my hands up to his sides to help steady him, and his head fell into my neck, his breathing heavy and hot against my fur. I tried moving out of the position he backed me into so I could walk him to the bed, but when I started moving, he brought his arms down to my own, holding me there. He pulled his head away, and looked at me again, his face dark in the dim light, but still illuminated enough to see that his face had turned from cerise to a burning red.

"Tygra, you need to lay down again, you aren't well, let me help you…" I struggled against him, getting his arms to move so I could finally get around to his side and start pulling him back to his bed. He resisted me at first, but I kept going, dragging him at one point until I finally had him sitting down on the sheets, his face redder than I thought it was now that I was seeing it in the light. He just sat there, holding his head in his hands and mumbling under his breath. I had tried asking him what he said, but he didn't respond. I nudged him slightly, then harder, trying to get him to lay down, but he still wouldn't move.

"Tygra, lay down you need to get some rest, you need-"

"I need you…" my eyes narrowed as my mind told me I hadn't heard him right. Hesitantly, I asked him to repeat what he had said, that I hadn't heard him clearly. His arms moved, and he turned his face up to look me in the eye, and he repeated himself. I told him I couldn't do anything, that I wasn't a doctor, and went o nudge him to lay down again, but he caught my hand this time. He held it within his own, and squeezed it. I was starting to understand that he wanted me to stay; what exactly does he want from me though?

I obliged him, and brought myself to sit beside him, letting our hands fall into his lap, where he put his other hand underneath ours, and laced his fingers through mine, interlocking us together. I felt like I was misinterpreting his intentions, I could feel his heartbeat through his palm, it was uneasy, nervous. Whatever would make him nervous would have to be good; it had to be the sickness, I've never seen him like this.

I started to speak, I was going to ask him if he was ready to go to bed now, but before I even finished my second word, he had taken a hold of my jaw, and he looked into my eyes for a split second before my brought his lips closer to mine. My thoughts raced, my heart sped up as I tried to come up with something to prevent this from happening; he was going to kiss me! I tried to pull away, but he took his arm away from my jaw and wrapped it around my back, pulling me the rest of the way to meet him. As our flesh touched, all I could describe the sensation as was an explosion. His lips were hot from his fever, and his face radiated the same heat. It seeped into me as well, and I thought I was going to catch whatever he had. Those thoughts slipped away with his lips when he broke us apart. Like a fire fizzled by the rain, that's how I felt, like I was the smoldering embers of a fire, ready to be reignited by the slightest provocation.

To say this moment was awkward would be an understatement. I thought I understood what Tygra wanted me to stay with him for; I thought wrong. If he meant what I think he did by all of this, then what would I do? I didn't have any kind of attraction to Tygra, I didn't even think he felt any of this for me. I can't blame everything on his illness, there's a line where he has to be in control of himself, and I think he's already crossed it. What was I going to do now?

Tygra made that decision for me, the tug on my arm brought me on top of him as he fell with his back to the mattress. This odd position made me uncomfortable, what did he expect to do with me now, I wasn't sure but I felt the need to leave, everything was going so fast, I didn't have enough time to realize what was happening. The expression his face lightened as he looked at me again, letting go of my hand but bringing both of his arms around my back to hold me against him. His head came closer, but fell into my neck this time, and I could hear his deep breaths; he was smelling me, and then something wet and rough started running over my fur. My body tensed as he licked me, I couldn't prevent the tickles he sparked from escaping out of my mouth in the form of light gasps. My face was growing red too, not as intense as his, but this treatment was embarrassing me, and I had no idea how to respond to him.

On an upward stroke, he ran the appendage all the way up, licked across my jaw line, and then brought it over my lips, splitting them apart with it, and sealing us together once again while his tongue thrashed about inside me. I had to do something at this point. He had the wrong idea and I should have ended this sooner. I pushed against his with my arms and shook my head, trying to force him away, but my desperate struggles seemed to only make him more enthusiastic. I finally managed to rip my head away so I could ask him what he thought he was doing. His face showed his confusion, but something else too, something I couldn't place. I could hear him sigh, and his grip on me weaken. He let me go, and I got up, trying to keep my composure as I walked to the door.

"Liono…I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me…" my feet came to a stop, I'm not sure why, I was still determined to leave, but..

"you aren't feeling well Tygra, it's alright, no harm done." That was a lie, I was scared, scared that he had taken it that far; if I hadn't stopped him…how far would he have gone?

"No, I'm not feeling alright at the moment, but my heart is fine…"

"What are you talking about?"

"Liono, I… I feel drawn to you right now, I feel this hunger deep down inside my core, it calls out for you."

My eyes widened, and my determination turned into desperation. His tone dropped as he finished. He wasn't done yet, he was going to come after me now, I needed to get away. I kept myself still, hoping he would keep calm until I could work up the courage to dash to the door and make a break for my room. We both stayed motionless for several minutes, waiting for the other to make their move. Tygra made his first, he slowly started to rise from the bed, and that was my cue. My legs burned with adrenaline as I bolted for the knob and turned it, throwing it open as the rapid thumps on the carpet told me Tygra was coming.

As I dashed into the hall, I could hear something slam into the wall directly behind me; I dare not look back. My room was just down the hall, I could see my own door coming up fast on my right, and held my arm out to connect with the handle as soon as I got there. I barely made it inside and threw myself against the door as I felt Tygra throttle it. He charged it over and over, driven mad by whatever was wrong with him. I didn't even think I had time to barricade myself inside, only throw the lock and deadbolt and hope it held. I had my answer when the wood started splintering and hinges visibly strained to hold.

He was going to make it inside, I had to either find a way out or prepare to defend myself from my own brother. In regards to the former, I was looking at the only means of escape from here. My room had one large window on the opposite wall, but I was several stories up, I didn't have time to fix something I could use to grapple down the wall and if I jumped then I would surely break something. On that same note, I don't have any weapons in here, they are all out at the training grounds.

My chances were looking slim. I could always hide, but Tygra knew I was in here, and he knew my scent. The outcome was looking progressively negative for me, the only other thought I had was to find something heavy enough to knock Tygra out with and run for help. As I looked around, I heard my door send out another painful splintering sound, I didn't have long.

Within reaching distance, all I had that would work was a tome from the library. It would have to do, and I picked it up as I made my way to stand along the wall beside the door. When Tygra burst in here, ill smash the book against his head and run for help. I ran that through my head several time as my door reached its last leg, the wood nearly broken through completely as wood shot away from the break in the middle. Raising my book high, the final crash came, and my door shot off the hinges to fall to the ground.

He didn't run in though, the door was destroyed, but Tygra remained just beyond, his heavy breathing all that told me he was still there. I felt my arms twitch, the weight of the book taking its toll on them as I waited for my chance. It hadn't come yet… Tygra was still out there, but what was he waiting for? I had a mind to swing my book and hope I hit him in the face, but I wasn't stupid, he was probably waiting for me to move, no doubt he could smell where I was by now.

I couldn't hold the book up much longer, my arms had started to fall already, if he didn't come soon, I'd lose my chance. He still didn't come. I had already been forced to lower the book, and before long, I needed to put it down. I could still smell his scent, but his breathing had died off. I started to wonder if he'd come to his sense and went back to his room, but as I kneeled to set the book down, an arm came around the corner and slammed me back against the wall.

Dazed, I didn't even see the rest of him shoot around the corner and toss me off the wall into the middle of my floor. He was on top of me now. I struggled as I tried to regain myself after being thrown twice, pushing against him with all my might as he tried to grab at me. He had pinned an arm before I managed to hit him across the head with my free arm, stunning him long enough for me to break away and run out of the door.

He recovered faster than I thought, his feet were loud against the carpet behind me and from the sound he was closing in fast. I was going to lose this fight. I had passed the last room some seconds ago and the hallway wouldn't open up to the foyer in time. I was out of options, and spun myself in a final desperate attempt to save myself from whatever he had planned. As my eyes met his, he leapt, not even a foot from me, and tackled me head first onto the floor. I only knew that he laid there on top of me for several seconds before I lost consciousness.


	2. Abjection

I woke to the sight of a candle burning on a nightstand; oddly familiar. My head spun, my body ached, for some reason I couldn't move my arms or legs, and there was an odd sensation that ran over my back as I lay face down on the bed. The smells of autumn filled my nose, as with them, memories of what had happened. My eyes shot open fully as I instinctively started to flail. I looked up and saw my arm was chained to the bed, and no doubt my other limbs were bound in the same manner. I was panicking, he had caught me, but what was all of this about? My thoughts broke as that odd sensation came again, streaking along my spine, and making me arch my back as it tickled the fur.

"You like that?" I froze, it was Tygra. I turned my head as much as I could, but it wasn't enough to see him. The sensation came again, and realization came with it. It was his tongue, he was licking my back! My struggles renewed, but the chains weren't letting me go any time soon. Nonetheless I tried, tried until a breath on my nape commanded me to stop. He ran his tongue over my ear now, a weird feeling I wasn't keen on feeling again.

"Keep still Liono, I'm not going to hurt you; I need the medicine only you can give me." His tongue came again, this time running down my neck. I winced as he continued, this time putting his hands on me, and running one of my leg as the other massaged my shoulder. All at once i came to a second realization. He had striped me naked, for what purpose though, my mind nearly bled as only one came into view.

He had reached my waist, and thankfully pulled away. As soon as he had though, I felt the weight on the bed shift, and what I assumed were his legs came to rest on top of mine as he crouched on top of me. Both hands came to my sides, and he brought himself to rest on top of me, sniffing deeply at my fur as his hands stroked up and down, and then moved to my front, where they groped at my chest, and came to stop at my nipples; pinching and rolling them between two fingers as I felt his hips bucking against my ass.

He was really going to do this… he was going to take my virginity and I was helpless to stop this. I whimpered, whispering under my breath for him to stop, praying that he would just let me go. A sigh over me made the weight shift again, until Tygra was completely on top of me, his head in my neck, but his dick pressing between my ass.

"Liono… do you really not want this?"

"N-no, what w-would make you t-think that I would want you to do a-any of this?"

"you started it Liono, you grabbed my hand first, I could feel your heartbeat through it Liono, you told me you'd be lonely without me."

"I only meant t-that I wouldn't have anyone t-to talk t-to if you w-were in bed."

"That's not true Liono, you know it's not. You asked me to be there for you; I'm here for you now, and I always will be."

"Tygra, please, don't do this… I don't… I'm not…"

"Shhh, calm down Liono, everything is going to be alright, I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

"No…don't…" it was hopeless. I felt hopeless. Tears had started to form In my eyes; my mind couldn't comprehend any of this, Tygra, this wasn't him, he would never do this to me. He would never hurt me like this. I prayed for a miracle, that I would be saved from this situation. Just as he restarted his ministrations, a yell came from the hallway. Someone was calling my name, and whoever it was, they were coming this way. The submission that came over me started disappearing as hope swelled in its place. Renewed, I started struggling again, shouting to whoever was out there.

Neither of those things pleased Tygra, I could hear his hiss from over top of me as the footsteps grew closer and closer, until finally they stopped at the door and threw it open. Father stood there, his eyes wide and mouth agape as he saw his eldest son prepared to mount his youngest. His reaction was instinctive, he started to run inside, but a hand on my neck made him stop. His expression turned grim as he watched. Tygra was breathing heavy; his grip on my throat wasn't tight, but it held.

"He's… Liono's…MINE!" Tygra brought his head down, and sank his teeth into my shoulder. I screamed, the piercing fangs drawing rivulets of blood that stained the fur around the punctures and started to drip onto the mattress. While his face had come into view, I could see him, his eyes through the pain. They had glossed over completely. His once brown eyes were now smoky gray and devoid of Tygra's essence.

My shoulder started burning, and even after I felt Tygra ripped off of me and knocked out it throbbed as if it had its own heartbeat. I gritted my teeth, flailing against my bonds as I sought relief from this pain. It started spreading, the heat, the pain, they spread through me, slowly at first but picking up speed, until my entire body felt as if it was alight with fire. My desperate crying turned into whimpers and gasps as I tried to withstand these feelings.

I hadn't even realized my bonds had been released when I curled up on the bed, grasping my shoulder and rolling around frantically, kicking my legs and throwing about my arms as if it could ease my suffering. Voices were calling me. Their yells, I wanted to answer them, if I could have understood them. They were muffled, someone was shaking me, and my vision was blurring fast. I was on the verge of losing my mind to the agony when I was blinded by a flash, and went limp once again, my thoughts clearing as everything faded to black.

I thought I dreamed after that, but everything was out of focus, it was like I was looking at a painting that had gone runny, the colors and motions were all blending together. I wanted to see what was happening, but try as I might, the visage became no better. I grew frustrated, and cleared the images from my head until I was alone, alone in the darkness.

The longer I sat here, staring into the endlessness, the more I started to feel that I wasn't alone at all. A figure emerged as the black turned to mist and parted for this person. As they neared, a deep regret tugged at me, as though I knew who this was before I could see them. I did know them; Tygra took a final step and then stopped, his face clear, yet covered by a sorrowful frown. I had instinctively started backing away from him, suddenly feeling naked in front of him. He saw this, and reached out, asking me to wait. I wouldn't, I turned and ran, as fast as I could, hoping he wouldn't follow. Turning my head to check, I was filled with relief when I saw his image growing smaller and smaller. He collapsed onto the ground, looking my way, and I heard him yell at me, something heard very clearly despite the distance I put between us…"I'm sorry…" I couldn't believe that he thought that would be enough now. You can't just apologize what had been done, you can't just…ask for forgiveness like that. I kept running, but when I turned my head back to look ahead of me, I saw that my path gave away, the darkness had formed a cliff, and before I could stop, I had already thrown myself off the side, an even bleaker oblivion of swirling clouds lingered below me as I started to fall into that wrathful maw.

My body jerked, and a pressure on my leg held me afloat, dangling above the spiraling clouds, just out of their reach. I shot my head up to see what had caught me, a thin line of blue rope, twisted around my ankle. I followed its length, and saw Tygra holding onto the end, struggling to hold on as he started pulling It back. Slowly, I was brought back from the edge, by the last person I had hoped to save me. When I was back onto the cliff, Tygra undid his whip and backed away, sinking back into the mist, leaving me alone.

"I told you I wouldn't let anything happen to you, that will always be true…"

Shooting up in bed, the terrible pain in my shoulder wracked through me, drawing a scream from my chest as I grabbed at the wound. Stilling myself, I let the pain subside before I noticed that my shoulder was bandaged, and not only that, there was someone sitting next to me. As images of the last few hours flared inside me, I drew back and put my arms up defensively in case Tygra had come back for me. When no attack came, I peeked over my arm to see Father looking at me pitifully, one of his arms bandaged and a bruise splotching his right cheek.

"You're safe now Liono." Father put a hand on my shoulder and drew me close into a hug. I'm glad he came when he did, otherwise….otherwise…. I would have lost…Tygra would have done… The tears flowed again as my Father held me, keeping me safe as I let the pain and feelings of betrayal flow. I feel asleep there, eased into the bliss of that most ephemeral place, where all of your troubles slouch off of you like mud, where you can find you peace, no matter how fleeting it may be.

I didn't dream that night. My memories jumped from that night to this morning; everything in between was just a simple interlude. The euphoria of being out of your body, no matter how long, was a simple comfort that the universe decided to afford me.

There was no one else here, I was in silence, curtain drawn, sheets pulled high over my head. Father's scent lingered on the sheets, and I knew he hadn't been gone long. Would I dare go looking for him? My door was still gone, yet its vestiges had been removed already. Sunlight streamed in from the portal to the outside, the beams peeking around the frame yet not daring to come near me. I was thankful at least in that, the World understood me for once, and thought to leave me be. I took solace in that thought, and prayed that my sleep and the light were not the limitations to that gift.

I did not want to move, my body yelled for me to stay when I strained them to move. My feet screamed as they touched the carpet and my eyes fought against my will to keep them open. I was not so weak as to let my body control me now. It had betrayed me, along with the single person I had trusted for so long. Letting it beat me now, would only be a testament to my weakness; I would not let it show.

The palace looked so different as I walked its hallways. There was a veil that shrouded my once bright view of this imposing place. He took it away from me. My vessel was hollow, he occupied my thoughts, his touch, still sent shivers wracking through me. The memories that stuck to the periphery of every thought frustrated me to no end. I wished them to be gone, gone with the presence I felt staring at me from the walls and floor. Every mirror I passed reflected a different person each time. No matter how many times I tried to ignore their momentary flashes, I wouldn't believe that those people were me. My hair never looked that messy, I never had bags under my eyes, and I never looked as frail and pale as those people.

Everything had changed now. A dark pressure closed in around me, suffocated me. I couldn't survive like this, I could still smell him in the air, he was still here, he would always remain. I felt like a curse had befallen me. The curse of never being able to escape this nightmare. It crippled me, in ways I would have never imagined…


	3. Tepidity

I don't know how I made it past that hallway. Whatever made it seem like it stretched on forever was no friend to me. I am here now…seated…food in front of me, but my hunger was absent. I simply sat, consumed by the despair that swirled in miserable torrents around me. Father sat to my right, his attention occupied by shooting me sorrowful glances every now and then as he conversed with Jaga, who sat across from me. The guards had left since my arrival, leaving the three of us in a slurry of mumbling and staring.

They were occupied by their conversation, however I had recently become occupied, not within the last few seconds, of the pressure that surrounded me, it started crushing me more tightly, and brought a throbbing pain to my head. I was on the verge of passing out, when a voice that sounded as clear as the surface of a still pond rang through me. My head raised to see Jaga furrowing his brow, his eyes transfixed on me. I nodded, but my body belied the truth. I had started shaking as I felt more enclosed here.

As he opened his mouth to call the bluff, the doors at the far end of the room opened, two guards stepping inside… someone…behind them. The pain throttled me when I noticed the striped figure they partially concealed. My shoulder ignited and my instinctively I grabbed the table to steady myself. I had been sitting, but found myself on the floor, a shout coming from above me as a pair of arms encircled my midsection and carefully brought me to my feet, helping me sit back down.

Where their arms had touched, I felt a tepid warmth, the sensation moving down to my thighs as whoever helped me up crouched in front of me while I tried to clear my vision from its blurred state. I only had to blink a few times before the horror of realization hit me. The colors, the face, that looked back at me. It was the one that had come to haunt me as of late. He must have come back for me, was nowhere safe from him? I threw my arms out to push him away, but he grabbed them before I could make contact. My head turned to look away, I started to shout, for someone, anyone to help me. I wasn't strong enough to fight him off at the moment, I needed the universe to grant me its aid again, I wanted to keep what dignity it had let me.

Salvation did come, but not as I expected it. He backed away from me on his own, to the door, and stood, an expression of shock and terror plastered over his face. My breathing kept its heavy pace as I looked around; Jaga hadn't moved, but Father was standing behind me, the same pity he had shown me through the night had shown itself again. What was going on, why had they not come to help me when I called?

I had opened my mouth to ask them, but the words that came out weren't but meek breaths and gasps. I didn't even realize I had started crying. The fears that my nightmare hadn't yet ended encircled me, and I got up to run, to run away from these people. Nothing changed as I had thought they would. The walls remained solid, the light still pierced the windows with its painful brightness. My world remained static, the darkness that had enveloped every corner of my vision wasn't here. My breath sped up and started to hitch as I came to the grim observation that I really was awake. The profuse intake of air surged to my head, and combined with the menagerie of tattered and broken thoughts, I fell to the floor as that darkness I had hoped to see…graced me with its presence.

I didn't wander long. The air had grown cold around me, and I brought my arms to embrace myself as I shivered. Most people wouldn't be glad to be here, once again pacing through the hidden corners of their mind, but I had started to like this place. There was nothing here, it was barren, and that was what I wanted. No one else here, that meant no one to bring me harm, and no one to have to rely on to help me. Maybe I could get some sleep here, the peace I had been refused flowed freely here, and I embraced it, closing my eyes…

…only to awaken. Blinded by the sun shining from the glass above me, I raised my arm to block it out. I was right where I had remembered falling; but I wasn't as alone as I had been then. I could hear a breath coming from my left, and tensed; could he not leave me be, hadn't he already hurt me enough?

I tried to keep calm. Perhaps if I ignored him, he would do the same to me. That thought was entertained as I got to my feet, but the moment I started walking, I heard him clear his throat. My legs prepared to run again, but he had been closer than I imagined. He put a hand on my shoulder, but it felt tentative. He cleared his throat again, and walked around to face me.

His eyes were clear, the deep brown that I knew to be Tygra were back. I struggled to keep my hold on them. I saw the regret and confusion in them, and part of me knew what he was going to say even before he had found the words himself. I felt angry at him, that he would think that an apology would make up for what he did.

For the first time since I had woken, the horror that overflowed from me started to burn as rage ignited it, setting ablaze a fire I felt the need to release. My arms shook as he started to say something, but I didn't hear it. I erupted, the tension I had inside me fueled my actions. I pushed him away, asking him how he expected me to even be near him after last night. He just looked at me, his eyebrow raised, mocking me. He cut me off while I was asking him what in the hell he thought he was doing.

He said I had been asleep for four days… for four days. My movements slowed as I processed that. How could I have been asleep for four days, it was impossible, I would have starved to death. He saw that thought reflected on my face, and it seemed he had an answer for that too. The Clerics… he said the Clerics sustained my body while they prayed for me to wake.

I hissed at him. Why would he pray for me, why would he pretend to care that much, after what he did… I couldn't speak after that. I wanted to believe he was lying to me, to the point that it was a physical feeling that pressed at the back of my head. As I continued to glare at him though, I saw that his eyes agreed with him.

I didn't want to sustain this conversation. I turned on my heels and hoped he'd let me leave; no such luck. He put his hand back on my shoulder and asked me to just listen to him, for two minutes. Snidely, I told him that I would, but it would be two minutes too long. He looked as though I had shot him through the chest.

He let me go, but defeat broke through his features. As my feet started moving again, I heard him call out:

"Liono! That wasn't me, If I had been I control I wouldn't have even thought of putting you in that situation!" he had almost yelled it. It was nothing I didn't already know. I could see that he had lost himself, but to what, his own desire. The thumps I heard coming up behind me made my rage boil over again. I had to clench my fists and struggle to restrain myself before I lost control. I wasn't going to be like him.

Dashing in front of me, he stopped, making me do the same. Holding out his arms, he wouldn't let me pass. Why couldn't he…why couldn't he just let me go? His voice echoed through the mist as I saw my vision blur again:

"I can't deny that what I did was wrong, that I hurt you. I made a promise that I would never let anyone or anything hurt you. I've broken my promise to you Liono, I hurt you worse than death ever could. If you want to hit me… I won't defend myself. I know it will never make it up to you, but I… I just want you to feel better. I don't know how long it will take, or what will have to be done, but… when I hurt you Liono, I hurt myself… I succumbed to whatever took hold of me… For whatever it's worth, I tried, I tried so hard to hold myself back for as long as I could, until someone could save you… from me…"

He was right. Hitting him would never make up for what had been done, but I would do it anyway. My hand made contact with his chest, and the force threw him to the floor. I kicked him, punched him again, beat against him until my fists started to bleed. Subconsciously, I asked him why he would betray me like that, why the one person I put all of my trust in, would betray me. I couldn't see him anymore, I couldn't see anything. I collapsed to the floor and waited for this fit to pass. The adrenaline that had shot through me when my first punch hit had all but been depleted. His voice came up, although hoarse, and he answered my question:

"It was *cough* never my intention to hurt you Liono… Jaga… he was supposed to keep people out of my room… he *hack* told me that there was a possibility that I would lose control. When I saw that *pant* you were there… I don't know what came over me. I was aware of everything that was going on…but Liono *cough* I could… barely… control my own body. I felt like I was watching someone else, and I begged that I would stop… I was killing myself, I was causing you pain. As much as *wheeze* I want you to believe me, I know that… I won't be that lucky… I'm not deserving of… your forgiveness… I should have… should have… tried… harder…"

His voice died off and I could hear a thump on the floor. Thinking he passed out, I felt around with one hand while I frantically tried wiping my eyes with my other. It wasn't worth it. The anger I felt toward him vanished the moment I realized that he wasn't the person who almost raped me that night. Whatever else he may be, he's my brother, this was the man I trusted… he was my family…and I… I loved him…

These feelings, they didn't fade completely, but they cleared enough for me to see how I had acted. I saw that Tygra wasn't himself, but I still blamed him, for everything. My heart was weighed down with both regret and confusion. No one was deserving of what had happened to me, or what could have happened. But at the same time, hatred isn't deserved by those who it isn't meant for. Whoever possessed Tygra deserved my hatred, he was the one who deserved these feelings.

Tygra was a victim just like I was. I knew he was sick, but I needed someone to blame, I put my burden on him, held him accountable, when it wasn't his fault. I was such an ass, but when my hand finally touched him, felt his heart beating through his arm, when I finally cleared the despair from my eyes, my whole body shook with relief. Look what I had done… I'm such an idiot for not realizing sooner.

His breath was weak, but he was still alive. He was conscious, I didn't know he had been looking at me the whole time, through bruised, half-opened eyes. His bloodied lips curled into a smile, and his hand came up to cup my face. I put my own hands over top of his own, and whispered that I was sorry weakly on my breath.

"you aren't the one who has to be sorry…"

"You didn't deserve this, I lost myself just as you did, I didn't want to let what happened to you happen to me, but I did, and I knew it was happening."

"You acted like anyone would if they were forced like that."

"I blamed the wrong person, I hurt the one I loved, I wasn't strong enough to do anything… to save either of us…"

"the one…you loved, Liono"

"Y-yes Tygra. You're my brother, and I know that it's wrong to have these feelings. You were always there for me though, I was lonely when you weren't there. When I came into your room that night… I wanted to see you, because I hadn't seen you all day. I panicked when you collapsed, the thought of losing you… I couldn't even think about it…"

"Liono… I… I would be lying if I said I didn't have feelings for you too… but… I don't want to hurt you again, I wouldn't survive losing myself a second time, I wouldn't survive losing you…"

"Tygra…" maybe the universe wasn't as malevolent as I believed. I had brought myself to forgive Tygra, to find the light in the darkest place. It would seem that he found his as well… "Tygra, you won't; you already promised that you wouldn't let anything happen to me…"

"But I broke…"

"Nothing, you broke nothing. When you lost yourself, I lost myself, I'm willing to accept that neither of us were inside our bodies that night. Sickness drove you away, and panic did the same to me. We both want to make it up to the other, so why can't we give this a try…"

"I couldn't Liono, if I broke your heart-"

"-then don't. if you want to make this up to me, then do this…for me… please."

"Nothing will ever be the same…"

"I hope it will better…"

"I do too." He smiled at me again; I couldn't help myself, I laid across his chest and held him as best I could. His heartbeat had steadied, and the more I listened to it, the more my headache started to go away. A few more seconds was all I lingered for; picking myself up, I helped Tygra to his feet, letting him lean on me while we walked back to the dining room. It would take time for me to come to terms with what had happened to me, that was certain. Something else that's certain:

Just because a story doesn't have a happy beginning, and isn't full of rainbows and flows like a stream, doesn't mean it can't have a happy ending.

I am willing to believe that, and from the looks of my mate, he is too.


End file.
